Ever since I stopped doing all natural shit. To heal myself and got in bed with big pharma, I feel fucking amazing. My passion is back. Which it has felt like an eternity has passed with out it. My want to be apart of things is back. Which was literally a mental burden that confused me when it was happening. Nothing wears me down. Nothing. Thank you big pharma.
I will say this. Natural everything and roughing it out is just not for every one. I literally tried every thing. Only to watch my health get worse. And even scarier. Have blood work come back borderline scary for things no one wants to live with.
I was stubborn. And turned down medicine at every turn. Until it came down to “choose science and proven cures, or go no further in your goals with your cleft, and ride out your depression at a time when your daughter and your own life needs you most!”
I gave in…and I am over the moon with joy that I did.
I actually want to eat healthy, not drink ever, and most importantly. I want to live. I have been hiding behind a mask of pretend living. But this is genuine effort to live.
Finally…
I was vague. Because even I still hold it close for fear of judgment. Or being seen as incapable. And my biggest pet peeve. Not being taken serious. (Even though I love to laugh and joke)
The struggle was my fault. Part fear of going back to see surgeons. (And I did get some startling news. My cleft is split back open at the roof of my mouth) and I tried for years to hide my failing mental health. I mean. I did sooooo well at hiding my addiction. Why couldn’t I keep going with that one too.
But it got to a point where the failing mental health was affecting my physical health immensely. And. I have an impressionable 14 year old who needs me. And a Scotty who needed his wife back. We tackled the addiction. Which was painful. This was just me being stubborn. (Your shocked right!)
I love the introvert life I allowed myself. But we all know I am not an introvert. I thrive off of society. It was time to get back to that…
Long road. Uphill battle still. And still no fucking parade and prize waiting for me!Don’t do drugs, because it leads to withdrawal hell, and then recovery. And there is no parade at the end with applause and a prize, it never comes…just you, yourself. Alone dealing with the damage and the guilt.
P.S. Pots are exempt; Everyone should smoke the pots. Especially if you’re just in general a jerk. Do the world a favor and smoke the pots.
Thanks for listening. Let’s all move along now.